The100DayProject: Day Seven (and Eight) - Daily Draws for Tuesday and Wednesday

Despite having a rough start this week (the "pollen count" weather pages are all lying to me and trying to claim that the pollen count is low. HA!) - I managed to lay out one of my favorite daily spreads (the lovely Morning Mug Energy Spread by so-aimless) two days in a row.

Tuesday:

I am in love with this deck...

1. Black Coffee-What will energize me? (Strength)

This deck's take on Strength is all about breaking through obstacles to creativity with a combination of active energy (yang/animus) and and the knowledge and certainty that comes from listening to your heart (yin/anima).  This is all about engaging directly with inspiration and my creative drive, not just thinking about it but acting on it will be the most energizing action for me today.

2. Earl Grey-What will inspire me? (Judgement)

The Judgement card is all about reckonings, inspiration, dramatic changes, and new opportunities.  Here, it's all about getting sparked by new ideas and possibilities. (Note: I stumbled across a wonderful online mixed media course that I'm going to sign up for this summer and I'm really excited about it.)

3. Chamomile Tea-What will calm me down? (Six of Swords)

Focus.  Looking at things analytically.  Trying not to multitask too much.  (I love how all six swords zero in on the book he's reading.

4. Last Dregs-What will I put to rest? (Five of Wands)

Struggle and resistance.  (Note: In retrospect, this seems to be linked to both my tendency to think about artistic projects and opportunities and then bypass them (the above-mentioned class I'm going to take) and also my ongoing struggle with sleep.  I managed a full 8 hours last night, which was sorely needed.)

5. The Handle-What will hold everything together? (The Eight of Swords and the King of Cups)

Both of these cards "volunteered as tribute" (as it were).  In this deck, the eight of swords can indicate not only the somewhat false or surface sense of being trapped and blind to the situations around you, but also a multitude of choices being brought together and synthesized into a more complete whole.  

Combined with the King of Cups (air of water, or the considered, rational expression of emotional and spiritual reality), it's saying that the best way to keep things together and flowing today is to look at situations with both rational logic and heart-centered intuition.  Not just what seems like the best option on paper, but which one(s) generate an instinctive sense of "yes. This."

And now a "sneak peek" at today's spread: 

The Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort

I'm kind of liking the approach of coming back in the evening or the following morning to write up an analysis of the spread, so I'm going to try that the rest of the week.  Stay tuned!

The100DayProject: Day Six (I Do What I Want, Thor!)

I like to make my own rules.  While I have no desire to break local or federal laws that might land me in jail, when it comes to arbitrary "rules" I have a weird back-and-forth relationship with them that involves both a deep desire to do things by the book, and a complete inability to actually follow them.

This might be related to my tendency to plan and imagine things in the ideal, versus the realistic.  Maybe.

Case the first: #the100dayproject.  If you're playing along at home, you're probably on day 20.  I inadvertently missed some days took a vacation, so instead a. trying to play catch-up or b. just skipping ahead, I'm picking up right where I left off.

So there.

Case the second: when it comes to reading tarot or oracle cards, I don't like using "outcome" positions.  I believe in too much of a multiplicity of possibilities (difficult but fun to say) to want to hear what the likely result of a pursuit or period of time is going to be.  I also believe in self-fulfilling prophecy, and live with an anxiety disorder, so it's better all 'round for me to leave them be.

Anytime I see "outcome" in a spread that I want to try, I'll usually change the position to "things to remember" or "key focus" or something else from that oeuvre.  Beth over at littleredtarot (a fantastic site that my Dreaming Way Tarot cards seem particularly in sync with) has a post about this very same thing that helped me come to terms with my approach.  I may have an unavoidable instinct to break the rules, but I have a deep-seated desire to have those little rebellions validated.)

Case the third: Miracle Mornings.  This is getting a lot of buzz around the internet (for good reason), but true to form I struggled with the format as it was presented.  Make time for deliberate actions and practice in the morning? Yes, please.  Follow exactly his interpretation of what that should entail? Eh... not so much.

What I did do: I talked to my supervisor at work, and got my scheduled shifted to a later start.  Instead of having to be at work and on the phones by 8:15 am, now I report by 9:30.  It does mean I'm here until 6pm, which if you'd asked me a few months ago I would've said I hated, but I realized that I was looking at what ideal, younger, night-owl me would've liked, not what would work for me now.  The key is this - I used to get my best work done later at night.  I'd stay up late, skimp on sleep, and still manage to push through the working day.

I can't do that anymore.  I became a morning lark at some point, and I need my desk and a sunny window (along with a big mug of tea and coffee) to really get shit done.  I was resenting the hell out of only getting around to the things that were important to me once I was physically tired, emotionally worn down, and mentally drained.  Now, I can do my stuff in the mornings, go to work, then come home and unwind, and really look forward to getting up the next day.

The view from my desk of a morning. :)

I've got some ideas of how I'm going to adapt some of the other elements of the Miracle Morning for my own purposes, but I'll get to those later, because this is already super long and rambly, and we've 94 days to go.  ;)

The100DayProject: Day Five - Happy Passover!

The100DayProject: Day Four

Another photo offered without much comment since it's Passover Eve and Seder preparations are in full swing.

The100DayProject: Day Three

Due to work overtime, Barre class, and our anniversary, the following is offered ever-so-slightly late and without comment.

The100DayProject: Day Two!

This morning I laid out the same spread I used yesterday (yes, I shuffled, and since I still used the "stir the cards in a big face-down pile and then grab some with your eyes closed" method, forgetting to do so wouldn't account for the return of the Emperor.  Heh.) 

Today was about being energized by being decisive (yes I'm going to change the headlight bulb on my car, no I'm not going to get that gorgeous journal that's on sale (bills are due), yes, I'm going to go to the grocery store on the way home instead of stopping for fast food.)  I also pushed through the next step of the Desire Mapping process even though it felt overwhelming and kind of made my head spin.

The Ace of Wands, meanwhile, is meant to indicate new projects and new ideas.  Kadollan and I talked, albeit briefly, about the idea of doing some kind of "planner summit" (by which we mean geeking out about our planners around her kitchen table with coffee and washi tape, and quite possibly cake) and what that might look like.

The thing to calm me down is the Queen of Wands, which made me think that the best way to stay steady today would be to just do the things I need to do rather than worrying about mulling over them first.  I think I did okay at that one, although along with dynamic action I got a solid dose of the "restless antsy" thing going on.  I think for quite a bit of the day I felt like I was around five or six years old and being told I had to do write-offs instead of going out to play.  

The Queen of Pentacles in the "Dregs" position, though, gave me fits trying to figure her out.  Ultimately, I decided that she was there in her "business woman" persona, and realized that the best and healthiest option for me this afternoon was to leave on time, make sure to get groceries on the way home, and let go of pushing myself past my limit just so that the paycheck would be a little bigger.

And in the end? The trick to keeping it all together, it still seems, is organization.

I'm working on that bit: 

The planning "system", deconstructed. Some days, when I'm stuck at my desk at work on the phone, taking my entire planning system apart and then putting it back together again is oddly soothing.

The other way that I've been coping at work this week?  I've started really utilizing my desk space as an altar and shrine.  I figure, I'm spending the lion's share of most weekdays there, and that's where I tend to be the most focused and productive, so why not?  I mean, I won't be burning incense or candles there in the middle of the office for everyone to see, but something like this goes unremarked upon: 

Why yes, fox is my primary animal energy, why do you ask?

See you tomorrow!

The100DayProject: Day One

Welcome to my #the100dayproject.  I have no idea what I'm doing here, but at the last minute, I decided that my "thing to do" for the next 100 days is blogging.

(That's one way to get started, at least.)

This is going to be *really* loose in the form department, rambly and random.

If I do something that you enjoy and would like to see more of, please let me know!

For lack of anything better to report today, I present this morning's Tarot spread.  The spread itself is the "Morning Mug Energy Spread" that I found on Pinterest (unfortunately, the link to the original post it references seems to be broken. :/ )

My current working deck is the Dreaming Way Tarot, which is a really fantastic, emotive deck.  It's almost a Rider-Waite-Smith clone, but with a sort of wonderland-esque whimsy that I adore.  Monday morning's spread had produced the Two of Wands, which is a card of beginning and planning out new actions, and this morning it was the card that "jumped" out of the deck as I started shuffling it.  I took the hint and set that card aside as a kind of anchor card for this morning's spread.

(I prefer the term "anchor" in this context, I think, because the card is less representing "me" than it is the specific situation that I'm doing the reading about - thus anchoring the context of the reading into a specific aspect of my reality.  It's a subtle distinction, but an clarifying one.  And that's the point, right?)

Then I stirred the cards up in a big pile (I'm playing with different ways of selecting cards this week) and pulled out the five cards for the reading.

The spread is very clever, and is set up so that the card positions are themed around morning beverages and an overall mug shape.

1. Black Coffee-What will energize me? (6 of Cups)
2. Earl Grey-What will inspire me? (The Empress)
3. Chamomile Tea-What will calm me down? (9 of Wands)
4. Last Dregs-What will I put to rest? (Page of Cups)
5. The Handle-What will hold everything together? (The Emperor)

This deck has made it clear since day one that it doesn't particularly care for the little white book that it came with, and has continually found ways to remind me that it's primarily an intuitive deck.  I do look up traditional meanings after the fact to get some additional illumination, but the cards are definitely coming up for me based on the messages from the images and my own personal associations rather than their primarily traditional meanings.  

This time, looking at the reading as one about taking action in plotting out my path and potential goals (I'm currently working through Danielle LaPorte's Desire Mapping process), this is what I got:

1. What will energize me? The Six of Cups: for me this card is all about happy, innocence, uplifting kind of love.  It's about surprising someone with a bouquet of daisies or a spontaneous hug.  It's about optimism and a childlike wonder at the world, which is definitely a state I can draw a lot of energy and joy from.

2. What will inspire me? The Empress: Over and over again, this Empress comes up for me as an indicator of stillness and serenity, particularly the content, calm serenity of knowing that you'll know exactly what to do.  It's not the deep, archetypal intuition of the High Priestess, but the natural unconscious intuition of the Mother.  And a deeply needed reminder that I need to give myself more space to be still and silent.

3. What will calm me down? Nine of Wands: A job well done.  Completed work. Being surrounded by the evidence of your productivity and action.

4. What will I put to rest? Page of Cups: This one took me a minute, but ultimately I decided that she's representing a combination of my hesitant, passive, stuck-in-a-daydream tendencies and that it's time to move from imagining doing things to just jumping in and doing them.

5. What will hold everything together? The Emperor: Getting shit done, having a plan of attack, planning in general, to do lists, outlines and instructions.  Doesn't this guy just look like someone that's got it all together and planned out?

So, today was all about some detailed time-tracking, working on my Desire Mapping process, some overtime at work, and finally jumping on this #the100dayproject adventure.

Happy Spring!

my Birth Chart laid out in Karma Cards

Spring has (very suddenly) sprung here, and big changes have been afoot in the House of ... well, you know what, we don't have a "house of" type of name around here.  "House of CyberMathWitch" just doesn't have any ring to it.

But!  Changes, regardless!

All the witchiness I'd kind of (inadvertently) set aside for awhile came roaring back with a vengeance around the end/beginning of the year and I found myself encountering both some old ideas (Tarot, astrology, and oracles) and some new (to me) ideas like chaos magick.  Along with that came a renewed interest in graphic arts and journaling (vs. fiction writing).  All of the priorities I'd set up for the year just... shifted.

I don't think this is a bad thing.  There's a whole big side of myself that had been (for lack of a better word) "asleep" for quite a long time.  Then I woke up and:

Oh yeah.  I'm a witch.

the newly set-up altar space including: my mala and prayer beads, a candle
for Dionysus, my bells, peppermint oil, my Persephone oil, crystals, and tarot

I mention this, because it does impact my goals for the year, and because it will change some of the focus of what I post here.  I'm not abandoning fandom or knitting by any means and planning is still high on my priority list, but there's liable to be more rambling about magic, Tarot, astrology and so on.

So!  March Goals! (Yes, I'm a week late.  It's better than not at all so I'll take it. ;)  )

- Plan and begin a Lent Observance (more on this later)
- Get 7+ hours sleep each night
- Start a meditation practice
- Set up Instagram graphics for NaNointheBoro
- Set up the Schedule for April CampNaNo(intheBoro)
- March books (more later)
- Support and participate in MarySue Boot Camp
- Choose and journal on a card(s) daily

So, since we're also looking at a week one wrap up, here goes:

- The Lent plan is about 75% done.  I just need to go tighten up and finalize a couple details and set down some specific food/menu goals and ideas so it doesn't fall apart on me from a logistics perspective.  The big focus here is going to be on purification and rejuvenation, and there will be art magick to go along with it.
- I'm not hitting 7 hours of sleep (yet) but I am getting myself into bed earlier, so I'm getting there.
- I have been looking at and playing with some binaural beats and general music meditation recordings, as well as some guided meditations, but I still need to work on consistency.
- The graphics and scheduling for Camp are slated for later in the month, I haven't actually started the books originally intended for March (but am several chapters into Benebell Wen's fantastic "Holistic Tarot")
- I am endeavoring to be support-y pants for my fellow boot campers, and
- I've been a little hit-or-miss with the journaling on cards (I'm starting out by working my way through my Karma Card deck), but I have been doing some of them, so that's going okay.

Sometimes I Knit Things

February, as has been stated in the Monthly Mary Sue Post, is for Finishing.  (And this?  This is super late, though not because I've been to busy knitting, I'm sorry to say.  My original plan had been to have this post and a week one wrap up both posted by now. ha.)

We've been doing some variation of this for nigh until ten years now, and it's usually a great way for me to kick-start myself back into crafting, which tends to lag at the end of the year (BECAUSE NaNoWriMo, and I still haven't figured out how to knit and type at the same time).  And then, well, there's the Holidays, which usually involves either a last minute scramble to finish a knitted gift, or more likely, that one "stupid knitting" project that you do a row on here or there while socializing with family and friends, but really spends more time in your bag than your lap when all is said and done.

By February, though, I'm "people-d" out, my writing muses are usually taking an extended holiday in Bali without me, there's not enough sunlight in a given day to inspire me to excessive feats of organization, and the idea of spending hours (days) sitting around catching up on TV and just knitting sounds delightful.

But first, there must be an accounting of projects in progress, a bit of orienteering, and a game plan.



I ended January with nine active projects on the needles*:

Clockwise, from the black lump at the top, we've got: 

• Even Flow Cardi (by Joji Locatelli) in Morning Meadows black sport-weight alpaca 
• This Bliss Cowl (by Fatimah Hinds) out of Dragonfly Fibers Djinni Sock in Big Sky
• Burkhardt Wristers (by Tanis Gray) out of Dragonfly Fibers Traveler (DK weight) in Jocelyn
• (Pink) Cloud Hat (by Maria Petikhina) out of 1855 Fiber Company Alpaca Merino in Petal Pink
• Lithos Cardi (by Jennifer Dassau) out of Knit Picks Biggo in Rabbit Heather
• Nurmilintu (by Heidi Alexander) out of Dragonfly Fibers Damsel in Mossy Bank
• Wee Capt. Marvel Cardi (based on the Wee Brock Cardi by Gudrun Johnston) out of Knit Picks Comfy Sport in Planetarium, Creme Brulee, and Pomegranate
• Uncommon Dragon Sock (by Lara Neel) in Knit Picks Stroll Peapod
• Granny Spectrum Afghan (various) in Plymouth Encore

To start with, I dug all of them out, made sure my Ravelry was up to date, and then proceeded to make sure I had printed copies of all the relevant patterns in my midori (complete with any relevant notes about what the hell I'm doing, because I rarely follow a pattern to spec).  An important component of planning for February is going over each project and pattern and making sure that I know where I am, what I'm supposed to be doing, and that I have all the supplies I need.  Everything needs to be ready to pick up and go on February 1st.

The Accounting and Orienteering part of our Adventure...

Then, I bundled them all up into their own project bags with all their accouterments: 

As for my plan of attack, I started with the (Pink) Cloud Hat, since it's for the 25,000 Tuques project and I needed to get it finished.

Then I moved on to the Burkhardt Wristers, since they were almost finished anyway.

After that, I'm going to pick one of the cardigans to focus on in an attempt to finish it (it's cold in the yoga studio this winter!), with the sock to break up the monotony.

*I have about four projects in very deep hibernation that I don't count for the purposes of February.  They're typically things that are so very fiddly, or just so far outside what I have a desire to knit that I don't intend to work on them at all during the month, but still want to finish someday.  This just isn't their year.

Intentionally Begin

2016's word is "Intention".

The year got off to a little bit of a rocky start thanks to a wicked head cold and the attendant effed-up sleep schedule it created, but I think after this weekend we're back on track and ready to roll.

So let me share with you how I intend for February to go. (Otherwise known as The Very Public Blog Post of this Month's Project Mary Sue Goals That I'm Hoping Will Guilt Me Into Help Me With Sticking to Them.*)

Goals:

• As everyone should know by now, February is for Finishing.  I have a solid goal of finishing at least four projects, with another two that for stretch goals.
• Reread (by which I mean "listen to during the above-mentioned knit-a-thon) Robin Hobb's Dragon Keeper and Dragon Haven for February's fiction books.
• Finish Linda Lafferty's House of Bathory (January's fiction pick)
• Rewatch and post recaps for the first half of season one of Blindspot
• Continue to work on Journal52 prompts each week
• Participate in the #Planwithmechallenge on Instagram (run by the awesome @boho.berry, @prettyprintsandpaper, and @tinyrayofsunshine)
• Read (listen to) Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic and Danielle LaPorte's The Desire Map Experience (February's non-fiction picks)
• Various health and wellness goals (er... that's a separate post. Hold, please. ::hums Girl from Ipanema until she gets it uploaded so she can put a link here::)

My plan is to update how things are going each weekend.  Somebody hold me to that, 'kay?

*For those of you who are playing the home game, the rules of the Project Mary Sue Dance Party are pretty simple: be your own wishfulfillment character.  Or, to put it bluntly, imagine who you want to be, and do your best to become that person.  Because there's not a damn thing wrong with wish fulfillment.

Planning, Week

Sometime last month (about the time I found out about Traveler's Notebooks) I had a revelation.


If I made my own inserts, I could start the week any day I damn well wanted to.

A photo posted by Koren M. (@cybermathwitch) on Dec 13, 2015 at 2:30pm PST

This was followed quickly by the realization that part of my planning troubles were inextricably related to the combination of 80% of my chores, tasks, and creative projects happening on the weekends and the "established" systems either splitting the weekend right down the middle, or basically "back-loading" all my to-do list into the very end of the week.

It's no wonder I felt rushed, stressed, and ineffectual.

Okay, that sounds like a stretch, right?  How can the arrangement of boxes on a piece of paper cause all that?  The days are still happening at the same time, after all.

Well, yes, but.

Here's how things were typically going:

• Plan to plan on Saturday morning.  Attempt to do the weekly review/plan for the upcoming week (assuming a Sunday start) even though most of the personal creative projects and housework/errands I'd slated for the week I was finishing up hadn't been done yet, as they were on Saturday's to-do list.
• Make a to-do list for the day (Saturday) *and* next Saturday (subject to change), and try to make one on Sunday based on my best (hopeful) guess of what I'd get done still yet on Saturday afternoon.
• Realize there was a family dinner scheduled for the late afternoon/evening and have to move all of last week's tasks to Sunday anyway.
• Push Sunday's "next week's" tasks to the following Saturday.

-or-

• Plan to do the planning on Sunday morning (the start of the week, right?) - but get stressed out and anxious because I didn't get a solid picture of Sunday's to-do list until half the morning was already over.
• Get overwhelmed, inevitably focus on the wrong tasks, and let several necessary things slip through the cracks.
• And then have to go to the grocery store.

In either scenario, I also spent all week looking at a huge task list of things that I wasn't in a position to do anything about until the very end of the week, which went beyond frustrating right into demoralizing.

As I was making some daily pages to try out in my new planner, though, I had the sudden, light-bulb-choirs-of-angels-singing realization that, if I was designing the damn things anyway, I could start them whenever I wanted.  Further more, if I started on *Saturday*, then I'd get that 80% of my to-do list done and checked off before the work-week began.

Which made coming home and restricting myself to nothing but knitting, reading, or coloring before bed (because I am a. not good for much else after work, and b. will not go to bed at a reasonable hour if I get sucked into doing anything too analytical) feel less like I was putting things off or slacking or worthless and more like I was taking the well-deserved break it was actually supposed to be.

And the sooner I go to bed at night, the more likely I am to actually get up early enough in the morning to use the one or two precious hours of time when I'm still mentally on top of things to get some of my stuff done before I go to the Place That Pays Me So I Can Pay the Bills.

Genius.

Compare and Contrast - AO3 Meme 2013 vs. 2016

Despite how my AO3 account looks right now (sans updates - sorry guys!), sometimes I write fic.

Sometimes I write a lot of fic.

It's time for that AO3 Meme again.*

I last did this meme back in August of 2013, but I'm not sure I ever posted it. (I did save it to Evernote, though, with my answers at the time.) And since I am home on a snow day (SNOW DAY!) I thought a comparison/update was in order.

P.S. The first question was "Account Created", which of course, hasn't changed between 2013 and now - I've had my account on AO3 since 12/21/2009, courtesy of the Yuletide small/rare fandom fic exchange.

	August 2013	January 2016
Total Stories	60	83
Total Wordcount	172,303	243,399
Average Wordcount	2872	2933
Shortest Story	The Lesson (Farscape)	The Lesson (Farscape)
Total Kudos	1936	4591
Average Kudos per Story	32	55
Story with the Most Kudos	Non-Networked Solutions (Avengers)	Non-Networked Solutions (Avengers)
Total Comment Threads	258	412
Average Comment Threads per Story	4	5
Story with the Most Comment Threads	Heavy in Your Arms (Avengers)	Heavy in Your Arms (Avengers)
Total Author Subscriptions	42	76
Total Story Subscriptions	73	299
Story with the Most Subscriptions	Heavy in Your Arms (Avengers)	Auld Lang Syne (Avengers)
Total Bookmarks	272	688
Story with the Most Bookmarks	Heavy in Your Arms (Avengers)	Heavy in Your Arms (Avengers)
Stories with No Comments or Kudos	Post-Apocalyptic Sex (BSG), In the Infirmary (Harry Potter), Falling (Harry Potter)	Everything has at least 1 Kudo or Comment on it! \O/

X-Files Season Two: Episodes 9-12 (Firewalker, Red Museum, Excelsis Dei)

It's like "Ice" only warmer.

2x09: Firewalker

This is pretty much Ice, only warmer, and with a handful of "no really, I can go back to work now, Mulder" undertones from Scully.


2x10: Red Museum

It's interesting which episodes I forget are actually Conspiracy arc stories. But this is the return of Purity Control, along with Scully realizing that she recognizes the man who killed Deep Throat.

Scully absolutely admits that there's the possibility Purity Control has an extra-terrestrial origin.


2x11: Excelsis Dei

I love the casual acknowledgement throughout the series of Mulder's porn habit.

I'll come right out and say that the sexual politics in this episode are a mess. It's a little like the spousal rape episode of Barney Miller, both of which attempt to address what were "new" (in terms of media attention) subjects for their time, and in both cases, looking back decades later, did a horrible job. I'm in no way qualified to address those kinds of points, but just be warned, it's uncomfortable to watch and leaves a bad taste in your mouth. None of which is helped by Mulder (in particular) being written quite a bit outside character here, in terms of how he reacts to the nurse making the rape allegations. There's a very narrow segment of people that Mulder dismisses like that, and it usually includes government suits or people deliberately trying to derail their investigation, and doesn't make any sense here.

Also, DANA KATHERINE SCULLY. You know VERY WELL that mushrooms and fungi can cause hallucinations. YOU JUST SAID THAT. Why are you all of a sudden like "no, nothing could be causing that I don't know what you mean"? Have I mentioned the writing in this episode is just terrible? Because it is. (It was bad enough that I had to go look up the writer and make sure that it was a one-off and not a normal series writer. I mean yes, we joke about John Shiban and the animal episodes, but this was so much worse.)


2x12: Aubrey

Nothing struck me as requiring much commentary on this one.

X-Files Season Two: Episodes 5-8 (Duane Barry, Ascension, 3, One Breath)

"Monster" lighting...

2x05: Duane Barry

So this agent is a terrible hostage negotiator. I'm just putting that out there. Geez.

"That man is afraid, and the only way you're going to win his trust is by trying to understand what he's afraid of." - Can the approach Mulder elucidates be extended to the method the conspiracy uses on him to win his trust?

Krycek is a rat bastard. But we already knew that, didn't we? (I did.)

The suiting up of Mulder is awesome. And in a way it reinforces how young he still is. (But I'm a sucker for this kind of scene.)

What Mulder tries to do with Duane Barry? (talking to people who've been overlooked or ignored) - this is what Mulder does. This is why he pursues the truth, even if he doesn't consciously realize it yet. Is this what makes him different from X? Is this what they think is his weakness is and ultimately what makes him who he is? (Compare and contrast this with X later in 1 breath, and did X end up in the game to find out the truth for "the truth" or because of the people it impacts?

The idea of Scully in Mulder's ear (and vice versa) is an extremely powerful one. I love this.

**Mulder believed him**. I cannot stress that enough. Mulder believed - wanted to believe - that Barry was really an abductee and that he was telling the truth.


2x06: Ascension

Maggie verifies that Dana isn't really "a believer" but she (Maggie) is, at least somewhat. (We will, of course, later get Melissa at the other end of that continuum.)

The really fascinating question is how much of Duane Barry's experiences, escape, and actions in these episodes is orchestrated by the Consortium to get Scully out of the picture? (The music playing in Barry's car reinforces that - Nick Cave's Red Right Hand.)

The level of aggression Mulder shows to Barry is so very antithetical to his usual character. Scully is usually the more aggressive one, but if anything is going to drive either of the two of them to violence, it's going to be the endangerment of the other one.

Krycek seems to doubt his mission, which is interesting.

This episode really shows scope. There's a really impressive shadow war going on in in the background.

"They have something on everyone" - so what is it? What do they have on, say, Skinner? Or Krycek? Or X? How did all these people come to be involved in the conspiracy?


2x07: 3

Note the changed episode header, which is an odd choice for a stand-alone episode, even given that it's happening in the middle of the major Scully-Abduction arc. (DENY EVERYTHING)

Skinner wants to protect Mulder.

Skinner also gives Mulder back the X-Files.

Mulder falls back on his profiler training to deal with going back into the X-Files alone. So where is Mulder's head? He's dulled. His speech, his countenance - he looks like he's in a stupor and sort of on autopilot, at least until the case gets "interesting" when the guy supposedly dies of burns in the cell. He played a hard card with the suspect's delusion, but honestly didn't think it would hurt the guy. He really believed it was a psychological artifact.

Sidenote: we had a very different relationship with blood back then. Yes, he asks Kristin if she's afraid of AIDS, but over the course of the first two seasons of the show people are a lot more blase about being around open blood.

WTF Mulder? WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH THE CRAZY VAMPIRE CHICK? REALLY?

He's back to being alone and it's because of his mission - go on as you began - (and how many times over the course of the series will Samantha and Scully parallel?) EXCEPT, and this is a big difference, the show never gives Samantha her own agency. She is, functionally, an artifact of Mulder's psyche. SCULLY on the other hand, is very much not, she is nothing *but* agency, and while he blames himself for things that happen to her in a self-loathing sort of manner, he's never functionally responsible for them, nor for saving her (with the possible exception of Fight the Future, but we're not there yet).


2x08: One Breath

Contrast Dana as a child vs. the Dana who will kill - and relatively easily.

Would Scully have gone to the hospital or taken out the bad guys in the apartment? (I almost want to say that we'll actually see a similar situation with Scully later in the series? But I can't swear to it. She's certainly more cold-blooded about this kind of thing than Mulder is, or can be. Although in part that's my utter devotion to Wintersong's "The Lost" talking.

Watch the lighting in the scene of Mulder's apartment right after they get the tombstone and before he gets the phone call that Scully is alive. It's exactly like the lighting they used on Tooms (and possibly other "monsters" who blend out of the shadows). "Monster lighting" if you will. Will Mulder become a monster? If so, which kind of monster will he be? The bestial, impulse driven kind that Tooms is? Or the methodical, impersonal kind that the shadow conspiracy members are?

Please note - the FBI notified the hospital of the terms of Scully's living will. I'm not sure if that's standard procedure, or if it hints at someone at a higher level deliberately trying to leverage her demise.

(Side note: she decided to create a living will after joining the X-Files. Stick a pin in this, we'll come back to it in just a bit.)

Then we have the dichotomy of Mulder and Melissa Scully. Mulder *should* be the believer - he always claims he wants to be a believer, but he openly scoffs at Melissa's beliefs and practices. He denies that Scully could've told her anything because the EEG didn't show any record of it. (Essentially he's asking for hard scientific proof.)

(Note the tiny tiny glimpse of very early internet here!)

So, who (or rather, what) is Nurse Owens? (Also, nice job on the Sixth Sense-style camera work - Mulder's eyes never actually track on Owens, nor does he given any sense of acknowledgement that there's someone else in Scully's room.)

So, X is frantic about Mulder pushing too far, and I do believe him when he says that it's for/because of his own sake. Is X Deep Throat's heir in whatever war they're waging? And there's fantastic commentary here from X about how he used to be Mulder (like Mulder) and the visceral evidence that the difference is the willingness to do terrible things and his "you'll be able to live with yourself Mulder, on the day you die" (implying of course that X certainly won't be able to live with what he's done).

Maggie both brings Mulder in and pushes him away. She draws distinct lines that Mulder can be involved in Scully's death, but that she doesn't consider him part of the family. The look on Mulder's face is heartbreaking.

Skinner knows more than he's letting on, and I loved the "No Smoking" sign nod. CSM says "If you're having trouble sitting on Mulder", which implies that CSM's faction of the Conspiracy (which seems to be the visibly acknowledged faction) has at least assigned Skinner to keep an eye on Mulder because of where he is, if not actually placed Skinner in that position for that job. It's further evidence that even CSM's "official" faction sees Mulder as important, because really, why the hell else wouldn't they just get rid of him? And Skinner is obviously deeply involved.

What does Mulder know that we don't know he knows? It's easy to forget that as viewers, we don't necessarily know everything our POV characters know.

Mulder tells Skinner "I didn't warn her about the potential consequences". Remember that pin we put in Scully's creation of a living will after joining the X-Files? Mulder thinks that he didn't adequately warn her, but something spurred her into creating the will. And she was well aware of what had happened to the DNA researcher, and even Deep Throat, back in season one. He may not've sat her down and bluntly said "Scully this could cost you your life, or worse", but she was well aware of what was going on around them.

Does Skinner believe Mulder killed the man in the garage like CSM claims he did? For that matter, does CSM believe that he did it, and how does that change his view of Mulder?

My favorite moment of the episode may be Skinner coming down into Mulder's office and stating that "I do not accept resignation". Not "I don't accept your resignation", but "I do not accept resignation". He's not just talking about Mulder trying to quit the FBI.

"I can't tell you why she was taken, it's too close to me" We effectively know that Scully was taken to remove her from Mulder's equation. She wasn't meant to survive, either. That was all Scully's (and possibly god's) doing. Then X offers him the men that took Scully, and we finally see why Mulder had "monster lighting" at the beginning of the episode. He's given the choice between taking revenge and stepping on to X's path, and turning around and taking the higher road. I don't think he sees it that way, for him it's a choice between facing Scully's death and distracting himself from the reality of it by trying to tell himself revenge on her abductors, but regardless he's on the edge of a precipice just as much as she is. To choose to take the lives of her abductors for revenge will destroy him just as surely as Scully's death would be the end of her life. Instead, we get Mulder at her bedside (thank you, Melissa) and he says "But I'm here". The tonal emphasis is on "here" as an indication of here rather than there and indicating Mulder's choice of location, as opposed to the more common "I'm here" that emphasizes as aspect of support as in "I'm here for you".

Photo from Shadow of Reflection

X-Files Season Two: Episodes 1-4 (Little Green Men, The Host, Blood, Sleepless)

And we're back! Moving, NaNoWriMo, the holidays, and then a monster of a head cold derailed the X-Files rewatch project, but over the next few days I'm going to offload my various comments on X-Files Season two.

2x01: Little Green Men


I'm going to keep harping on this for the rest of forever, but as previously mentioned, I think fandom as a whole oversimplifies the "skeptic vs. believer" dynamic between Mulder and Scully.

Neither of them seem to be coping well with the separation - on the one hand, there's a level of shock from how the final moments of Season 1 played out... I think that's the first time they've really seen that particular casual and deliberate level of murder before (the DNA researcher Scully had taken the sample to as well as Deep Throat being killed). They've probably known intellectually the risks of what they're doing, but it's suddenly incredibly visceral and real. Added to that, there's the knowledge that anyone they take something to or bring into this equation even in the most innocent of circumstances, could be in put in danger.

Please note that Mulder has pretty much given up. He's questioning himself, whether or not there was ever anything to actually look for or investigate - it's Scully who is insisting that "no, we shouldn't stop" and that there's something real to work on. (Also I love the way she ruffles his hair. It's comfortable, and comforting, and she's trying so damn hard to retain a connection to him because she can tell he's slipping away from her by degrees.)

They do a fantastic job throughout the episode with Skinner and CSM. Skinner initially comes across as a "bad guy" - but they're making it very clear here, when he tells CSM firmly that he doesn't smoke, that he's not on the Consortium's side of this thing. He doesn't like or trust CSM, that's obvious, too.

I have to wonder a bit at Matheson's agenda, and I'm not sure it ever really gets explored. We know that Deep Throat at least claimed to be wracked with some guilt over his part in his previous activities (E.B.E.), but we never get any kind of information about why Matheson is involved of helping Mulder out.

"Now I can only trust you." Trusting no one is hard - now Mulder has a new level of doubt. He also doubts himself. He's come to rely on Scully's input, and without that, he doesn't seem to be sure what really happened and what did he really see?

The wire tap shocked Skinner, and then he kicks CSM out. Is the wire tap what turned the tide for Skinner? Was that his last straw? (And by extension got the X-FIles back?)

The lack of translation/subtitles while the truck driver is ranting heightens the sense of how out of his depth Mulder is here and keeps us in his shoes.

Remember how in Season one, we talked about the reaction Scully has in the face of possible real, visceral evidence? Her tone of voice and level of deference shift, and they do it again here. Scully asks "is that them?"

2x02: The Host

Mulder is thinking if leaving, Scully asks "What would you do?", Mulder says his only reason to stay would be to work with her and "they won't let us work together". There's a direct parallel much later in Fight the Future when Scully talks about leaving the FBI.

And we have the introduction of Mr. X. "Reinstatement of the X-Files must be undeniable." Why is that the case?

2x03: Blood

Mulder is obviously dosed with the same chemicals the inadvertent murderers are. Is it just that Mulder's anxiety isn't triggered? Or that he doesn't, on a base level, have the same sort of anxiety issues the other victims do?

2x04: Sleepless

Compare and contrast Krycek's first approach to Mulder (I followed your work) vs. Scully's - Krycek emphasizes Mulder's conspiracy work, while Scully implied respect in general but also in a non-sycophantic way. She implies respect even in disagreement, she doesn't try to manufacture trust by falling in line with Mulder's ideas.

I love the body language when Mulder and Scully hunch close and shut Krycek out.

X tells Mulder "I don't want to be here" - so what does X want? There's implication that he's doing it out of a respect for Deep Throat, and that he has regret about his death, but he's certainly more reluctant to give Mulder information, and he's obviously not in anywhere near the same level of power that Deep Throat was.

There's this beautiful hesitant longing between M&S when they're on the phone together. <3 <3 <3

Mulder goes nuts and Krycek is all like WTF and then Mulder floats his psychic theory Krycek just accepts it.

X-Files Season One: Episode 24 (The Erlenmeyer Flask)

1x24: The Erlenmeyer Flask

Scully is supportive of Mulder, but part of that support is to check him.  And she's deeply, deeply suspicious and protective of him regarding other people trying to use him.

Was the government trying to use him as another way to leverage the disinformation agenda?  Except that with Scully, suddenly, they're not perpetuating the wrong information and fostering the appearance of the ridiculous... they're becoming legitimate in the eyes of other people, and they're seeing through the lies being told to them.

"Do you think he does it because he gets off on it?"  "NO.  I think he does it because you do."

The relationship progression between Mulder and Deep Throat is so incredibly improbable.  It's so intense so quickly, likely because Mulder has an unceasing hunger for the puzzle, as well as a desire for the approval and support of a father-figure, but there's also an almost frantic sense of urgency from Deep Throat in this episode.

So what's the end game for Deep Throat?  If he wanted people to know what was going on, would he have been able at that time in our history to get irrefutable information into enough people's hands to outmaneuver the Syndicate?  This is the very beginning of the Internet, way, way before information could travel that virally.  How easy would it be for the conspiracy to take out anyone he gave information to before it could be aired?
If he's just legitimately trying to get the truth out into the open, how does getting Mulder to do it supersede his own abilities to do so?

Do not hand me that flask, Mulder.  /  We don't know what's in there Mulder.  /  Are you serious Mulder? -- Really, that look from Scully here, OMG.

I'm really taking a long, hard look at how much of Scully's "disbelief" is actually her playing Devil's advocate to keep Mulder from falling too far in.

She'll trade the evidence Mulder has been after for years for him.  He's much more important to her.

Why is Mulder so important to everyone else?  Why does Deep Throat care SO MUCH if he lives or dies?  Scully and Mulder are being used by him as pawns.  It's doesn't seem to be care for them personally, but we'll see over and over again where elements of the Conspiracy spare Mulder's life when it would (seem) to be so much easier to kill him.

Mulder is open to everything that he sees and hears, but not without consideration. He says "that might be true, let me see what I can find out" rather than "let me try to disprove it".  Scully quickly goes from complete skeptic to being the balance - and by doing so frees Mulder to jump higher, farther, faster because he doesn't have to do that part of the job himself anymore.

Mulder says "trust no one" but in reality, with his self, his heart, his feelings, he wants and is quick to trust people. He wants to be open to them and connect to them. He wants to believe.

X-Files Season One: Episodes 19-23 (Shapes, Darkness Falls, Tooms, Born Again, Roland)

There are several "meh" episodes in the last stretch of season one that really didn't spark a lot of introspection, so I dumped them all off in one post to give "The Erlenmeyer Flask" a little more room to breathe.

1x19: Shapes

... yeah, no, I got nothing.



1x20: Darkness Falls

The banter at the beginning of the episode is what we come here for.  Love. It.

Mulder's trust in people bites them in the ass once again.  There is no point in which Mulder actually subscribes to the "trust no one" mantra (and let's look forward a moment and remember that this actually gets quoted to Scully by Deep Throat as his dying words).  Mulder trusts every-damn-body, or is at least willing to give them a huge amount of benefit of the doubt.

Also, these bugs? Are seriously creepy shit.  I hate the bug episodes, I really do.



1x21: Tooms

SKINNER!!!  I did not fully appreciate Walter Skinner when I was a teenager.  I will freely admit that I was entirely there for the M/S 'shippiness way back when.  Which is fine, that's a completely valid way to read the show, but oh my g-d am I ever loving getting to see him and watch how subtly the conspiracy is unfolding in the background this time through.

Skinner vs. Scully - which has such a different tenor knowing what we know later about Skinner...  he seems less like the FBI-conspiracy-helper of the week and more like "oh for g-d's sake this is bullshit get this guy off my back I am annoyed by the world"  It very much reads as Skinner saying what he's been told to say with CSM hanging right on top of him to make sure that he does.

Aaaaaaannnnnnnnd Mulder goes completely off the rails. ::facepalm::

Hunh.  Mulder says here "if you're resistant because you don't believe, I'll respect that. But if you're resistant because of some sort of bureaucratic pressure, they've not only reeled you in they've already skinned you."
And they don't run into conflict (between the two of them) because of her beliefs, but because of her bowing to the will of the government/oversight/"the rules".  And we know from "Young at Heart" how Mulder feels about the rulebook and why.  Meanwhile, as previously elaborated, Scully's attachment to the rules always seems directly dependent upon how much outside pressure and threat of shutdown she's getting from the higher-ups, because she's determined to protect the work and protect Mulder from himself.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
(You know, I had this in my notes, and can't actually tell you now what it was in reaction to now that I'm writing them up.  But since it's a Tooms episode, I'm going to let it stand as an applicable and understood reality and move on.)

Awwwww, Mulder wants to protect her.  I'm a total sucker for them this, I can't help it.

And no, not "Fox". Never Fox.

"I would expect you to place the same trust in me that I place in you" - GIRLFRIEND KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THE GAME.  This is game, set, and match.



1x22: Born Again

CREEPY LITTLE KID  (This show has so many creepy kids. Wow.)

Again we see both that Mulder is great with kids - tells the computer guy to do the funny faces on the screen - and that he excels at taking the time to really consider and connect with witnesses and other often-overlooked people around him.



1x23: Roland

Music and sound direction is excellent (horribly so).  I knew what was coming with the researcher and the fan, and expected some level of visual evidence of such so I was looking away.  Turns out?  The music and the sound effects were way scarier than anything they showed on screen.

"Did you catch the bouquet?" Maaaaaaaaaaybe." D'awwwwwww.

So, Scully is a snarky, snarky bitch and I love her.  She is sarcastic and sometimes caustic and has no time or patience for the irrelevant.  She wants to get straight to the point, and I think that's why (one of many, many reasons why) the damn conspiracy and shadow government pisses her the fuck off.

X-Files Season One: Episodes 16-18 (Young at Heart, E.B.E., Miracle Man)

1x16: Young at Heart

So much has changed about the pace of storytelling on TV since this was filmed.  The opening sequences in the hospital/prison feel like they take an incredibly long time, mostly showing atmospheric touches rather than being packed wall-to-wall with plot information.  Some days I miss the more leisurely pace, and other days I'm bored by it.
We get to see Mulder having friends and connections beyond just Scully and the Lone Gunman - although that's not going to last much longer, the deeper he goes.

Mulder used to go by the book and it bit him in the ass - I think I'd missed this plot point the first time around.  I didn't remember it, in any case.

I need two gifs from this episode: Reggie waking up with his glasses all askew, and the scene where Scully is learning about the research and is all "whoa, science!" and Mulder is all "oh god, why do you people keep thinking this is a good idea?"



1x17: E.B.E.

I love how Scully is cut off in the middle of explaining how the Gunmen's paranoia is self-delusion by the discovery of the bug in her pen.

Scully is all on board the conspiracy train, just with an eye to a different cause.  She's seen plenty even just in the first half of season one to make her angry about what the government (and/or shadow government) is hiding and she's is very plainly Not Okay with it.  She just doesn't necessarily think that it's due to the same causes Mulder does.
Mulder is the one who trusts others - Scully trusts only him, even from the beginning and I think that's a natural outgrowth of the fangirl hero-crush she came into the partnership with, proven out by close to a year internal show-time working with him and seeing how good he is, and how he repays that with respect and appreciation of her skills and talents.

Deep throat gives Mulder this look like "oh you poor naive baby"

"He's never lied to me" - this is something Mulder is taking on faith, he's assuming that's true, but we don't see any evidence that he's ever actually questioned Deep Throat's viability as a source.

"Mulder the truth is out there. But so are lies."

He's mad she doesn't believe it, but he still has enough respect for her views and intellect to double check at her request.  Again and again: this is why they work.

And, DING DING DING - Deep Throat lied.

Physical boundaries - he pushes them.

Scully questions - in a way that suggests she believes in a real possibility - if they just had a close encounter.  There's a change to the tenor of her voice when they run into visceral proof of a possible phenomena, she sounds younger and more like a subordinate asking a teacher when she asks Mulder those sorts of questions.

Mulder's the first one to disbelieve in the face of the hoaxes, while Scully is all in, returning to the apprentice role asking him for reassurance and confirmation and answers. She still respects his authority and knowledge in this arena.

Scully always takes one for the team and gets taken into custody (and how much do I love her expressions and body language here? SO MUCH), but she's much more suited to being interrogated, and Mulder is much more suited to making a break for it.

How does the story that Deep Throat spins for Mulder here add up to the broader conspiracy we later discover?  As usual with this character, how much faith can we put in his answers and explanations?

Also a side question - what are the chances that Skinner's involvement with the conspiracy go back as far as Vietnam?  The creature that Deep Throat talks about exterminating was found over/near Hanoi, which I believe is where Skinner says he was after his near death experience.

"I'm wondering which lie to believe"



1x18: Miracle Man

"Slaying of the first born?" - I love that grin, and would imagine that here she's well aware that he is a firstborn and she isn't. I love it when they're playful with one another.

The general description, when someone talks about the dynamic between Mulder and Scully, is that he believes and she doesn't except when it comes to matters of faith, in which case they're perceived to flip roles.  It isn't an unfair description - however, having not seen "Miracle Man" in several years, and with my memory of it being spotty at best, I was expecting this to be the first time that faith vs. distrust comes into play (really, it turns out that crops up first way back in "Beyond the Sea") - but in this case that isn't how it plays out, at all.  Scully doesn't believe in Samuel's abilities, she doesn't seem to have much in the way of patience with the Reverend and what he does, meanwhile Mulder is the one having visions of Samantha and wanting more answers from Samuel.  It's a call out to Scully's back-and-forth with Boggs over her father, though without some of the more dangerous undertones since Samuel isn't ever really believed to be the director of whatever is going wrong by anyone except himself.  Mulder has the same struggle between wanting more information and being angry at Samuel's unwillingness to provide it, though - he storms off and comes back, over and over and over again.

X-Files Season One: Episodes 13-15 (Beyond the Sea, Gender Bender, Lazarus)

As promised, here's the back half of season one, just in time for the weekend.  I'm still finding myself surprised by which episodes are prompting the most thought.  (And if you're reading this, I'd love to hear what you think.  I love comments, but please keep things civil and respectful.  I wish that didn't have to be prefaced, but such is the nature of the internet.)

1x13: Beyond the Sea

Random Scullys at the funeral!  Let's hear it for an incompletely developed canon!  They state that the funeral is "Family" only - I am going to assume those other random people are supposed to be some combination of Charlie, Bill, Melissa and assorted spouses and kids.

Scully is so blissfully *normal* in many of these first scenes - and again, in all the scenes with her parents and following the death of her father, it's just shocking at how young she seems because so much of the Scully in my head is later season Scully.  I think this also stems from a greater willingness to write characters as more open, dynamic and unjaded than we often see written now, in the era of the anti-hero.  Mulder and Scully's multi-faceted characterization is one of the real strengths of this show.  If you're not sure what I mean, go to Youtube and check out a serious retrospective vid and then one of the "goofy" ones.

Actually, here (spoiler warnings for the series as a whole are applicable):

Better? Yes.  Good.

Scully's absolutely vicious screaming fit at Boggs is glorious.  They've become so protective of one another so quickly! :) (I will happily admit to eating that kind of interaction up with a spoon.)  Also? Her anger is much scarier than Mulder's.

And the first of many hospital-bedside conversations between the two of them.

We'll also get the first real instance of role-reversal here between Mulder and Scully as Skeptic and Believer - after a fashion.  Mulder disbelieves Boggs, specifically, at least in part because he reviles who and what Boggs is.  Had Scully just randomly said "hey, I think I'm seeing my dad's ghost" he would probably have been much more open to it.

Oooooo, is there a possible parallel between Skinner's experiences in Vietnam and Scully's experiences here?

Further, we often get Scully missing her chance to see otherwise compelling evidence and events, but here it's the reverse.  She sees the signs and wonders, she hangs on to the things Boggs says as more than a little bit possibly true.   I don't think she's a non-believer at all, in fact, but rather (again) she's that counterbalance to Mulder.



1x14: Gender Bender

This is another episode I thought I'd have things to say about, but then I really just didn't.  Nothing besides the lovely toss and catch of the crumpled up paper in the forest really grabbed me this time through, and I've already touched on the use of long camera shots of individual body parts.  I do also wonder if they'd ever meant for this group to play into the larger conspiracy, or if they're just a random other alien species camping out on Earth who's got no part in the mission of the Conspiracy/Colonization aliens.



1x15: Lazarus

Dana Scully, ladies and gentlemen - soft and fierce and a fully rounded character.  Yes.

There's a strong focus on the form of the body in X-Files - realistic forms, not necessarily model perfect ones.  Over and over again they use long shots of an arm or someone's feet, or legs, and they come into those shots from unusual angles or starting points.  It keeps it from feeling like there's any kind of sexual voyeurism or leering involved, even in episodes predicated on a sexual premise like "Gender Bender" while also serving to alienate or dissociate the form from the person attached to it.  It makes otherwise "normal" people feel like they're "other" or "alien" to the viewer.  At the same time, it heightens the level of intimacy we feel with the character or characters being show to an unsettling degree.  Television (and film) framing does odd things to our perceptions.

Most people rely heavily on reading body language, both the unconscious and universal expressions, and the culturally coded language of gesture, space, and posture, to navigate situations.  As such, we "read" intentions, emotional states, relationship cues and character inferences without being consciously aware of it.  The framing of a typical conversational shot on a tv show may entail two actors standing much closer together than they necessarily would in off-camera life, but what we read from it is that the characters are minimizing the space between them in a manner that's indicative of intimacy.

Here, we're forced to stare at people (parts of people) in a way that social mores generally doesn't allow, in a way that would otherwise make the subject uncomfortable unless they were someone we were very close to.  If this were Mulder, or Scully that we were viewing, as involved and familiar with them as we are, that would be fine and feel like a natural deepening and extension of the show, but instead it's one-off characters, strangers, often that we've never even seen before.  That doesn't sit well, and serves to heighten the "unsettled" feeling of the show.

Mulder is the one who listens to the people who aren't used to being listened to.  That, in a nutshell, is what makes him different, not just from the FBI agents around him, but from the other factions involved in the conspiracy as we go forward.

Scully enjoys dropping the "I dated my teacher" bombshell on Mulder - and this is such an overlooked part of her character (and part that's done a HUGE disservice in season four and the choices FOX made to air those episodes out of order, but more on that rant when we get there).  Scully has a very complex relationship with the men around her, and with male authority figures.  Her relationship with Jack is certainly part of that, both because of their relative positions within the Bureau, and their age difference.  I would imagine that there were probably some kind of restrictions about instructors dating students at the Academy, but it obviously didn't bother or stop them.  Scully expresses no sense of shame or hesitation about admitting they were together to Mulder, and she certainly likes shocking him with it.  The sexual politics aside, there's an even more important aspect of her character that's reflected here (that we see in Deep Throat, and will continue to see grow over time: Scully only "plays by the rules" inasmuch as she feels it is necessary to achieve her larger goals.  When she argues with Mulder about regulations and policy (certainly past the first few cases) - she is worried about Mulder.  She's worried about his job, and his safety.  It's not that she inherently feels that the rules are sacrosanct because they're "the rules" - if that were the case, we should see some level of discomfiture about her relationship with Jack.  It's that she understands that in order to achieve their larger goal, they need to be careful.

Mulder is still trying to call her Dana, although here it feels fairly natural.

There's a great comparison and contrast between how Scully reacted to Boggs when he "threatened" Mulder, and how Mulder reacts to Lula when she has Scully.  Scully has the much shorter fuse (though some consideration could be made there due to her heightened emotional state from her father's recent death and the experiences she's having at the time) - Mulder reacts like a more seasoned agent, which makes perfect sense, as he is.  It also shows just how fast Scully has attached herself emotionally to Mulder (how quickly he's become important to her) and reflects more of that "shiny new agent" thing she's still got going on.  I'm inclined to think that most if not all her time with the FBI prior to the X-Files assignment was at Quantico rather than any kind of field work.

The "operatic devotion" that Willis talks about in the tapes is echoed much later in the series by Mulder and Scully's own relationship.

They can both command a room (and scenes where they head up task forces or otherwise give people their marching orders are some of my very favorites).  Mulder in particular is good at putting it all aside and doing his job,while still being open and vulnerable.  In large part, that's because he really doesn't give a shit what other people think of him.

I want more stories about the agent at the door that pretends to be an evangelist.  He seems awesome.

"What do I tell myself" -  Mulder walks away, he can't/won't answer that question for her.  Then she asks him what does the watch having stopped mean? - Mulder's reaction is strange.  It feels like he's got this resigned realization, like he's tired of offering her theories just to have her shoot them down, despite how often he's right.  Or that he perceives that he's right.  "It means... It means whatever you want it to mean."